I Am Jack’s Sensitive Digestive System

I Am Jack’s Sensitive Digestive System



More than anything else the idea of having to change a diaper terrified me.

I know.  “Way to conform to the male stereotype, George!”  But just take it at face value.  Even the act of cleaning yourself after the SINFUL behavior that is the biological disposal of accumulated waste is tedious at best.  Now, for likely the first time in your life, you are forced to perform this song and dance on another human being.  An UNCOOPERATIVE human being, at that.  It’s enough to make even the most pious of souls question the existence of a benevolent God.

Yet we do it.  And, as a S.A.H.D., you don’t have the benefit of perpetual absence so enjoyed by our ancestors.  It’s a lot harder to change a poopy diaper when you’re off at the coal mine or in your plush Madison Avenue office working for a living and not up to your elbows in your sons urine.  Ah well.  And then that day comes.  The ones that only parents know about, yet never talk about.  It’s a day shared over hushed whispers as you see a parent pick up a SIZE 3 package of Pampers and you just know.  You just know “Oh, they’re about to experience THE CHANGE.”

Perhaps it’s just a way to make the best out of  a bad situation, but changing a newborns diaper is actually not that bad.  Other than the first few days when they’re getting rid of all that lovely gunk they’ve swallowed while inside Mommy, the majority of the time it doesn’t really smell that bad.  It becomes just another thing…until THE CHANGE.

At some point soon after the 4th month mark, when your baby starts getting nutrition from solid foods or you start introducing formula, is when THE CHANGE takes place.  When your child goes from “Pooping his diaper” to SHITTING HIS PANTS!  It’s not cute anymore.  It’s a human being that has just done what would no human being should ever do and taken a crap in public.  If he was a teenager he would never find a date for the prom.  But, like with everything else, you roll up your sleeves (and possibly put your shirt collar over your nose) and you dive in like a man!

Like I said earlier, the notion of changing my son’s diaper was one that I thought I would mind the most.  It’s become one that I actually mind the least.

Unless he’s had avocado.  Mommy can change the avocado diapers.

One comment

  1. Griffin says:

    I have a 4 month old girl. Until cleaning up after a poopy diaper involves the use of q-tips, you get no sympathy.

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